Alright...
Today I visit my own blog and I can't stand the princess-y design that I really liked when I was a teenager. Sometimes I just left my works just as cringey as it is but sometimes I just need to erase it as soon as I seen it, and thinking.... I had such a horrible taste. Not to mention I have great taste now, but it definitely better. I definitely have seen a lot of references kay...
Anyway I only write in english when I'm not too serious, and in a sarcasm mood.
So it's 2020.
I'm neither excited nor sad about this year. I don't have any feelings towards it.
I remember 2 years ago, 2018, best year, my life began with a perfect start. I got big appreciation about my work and I was beyond proud of it. I had such a positive mindset about life and began to list what I have to achieve next. Then I got many new friends once I stepped out my basic circle. I made films and again, I was beyond proud of it. I thought I learned so much that year, and everything was perfect. I felt really grow and I shared almost everything on my social media because I was beyond proud of it. I felt like I achieve list of goals I made. But little did I know, I had really rough ending at that year that never even crossed in my mind before.
So that made me like....
But in November 2019 I got tired.
I realized I was being pretentious.
I looked back, and I hated myself. I shared too much. I shared my goals, my plans, my feelings, my achievements, my knowledge THAT I WAS BEYOND PROUD OF IT.
I'm not anymore.
Because what I shared was based on wrong motive. I thought I shared just to give positive vibes to people. But f*ck, no one cared and it's soooo pathetic. I probably shared my life because I feel superior towards anything. I felt so smart so I shared about my knowledge when no one asked about it, I felt so tough so I shared about how I overcome my feelings, etc etc. Then comes to the point where I hate oversharing anything. Like now. Like why. No one cares for f*ck sake.
I was so pretentious and it's so disgusting. Anyway, I deleted all things that I feel like oversharing as much as I can.
So it's 2020.
I'm neither excited nor sad about this year. I don't have any feelings towards it.
I just want to 'go with the flow' (one of phrases I used to hate).
I'm tired of the social medias. I probably going to share 'junks' that made me laugh and less rants. But I don't know. No guarantee. I don't care.
Well I definitely have life plans in my mind but no one needs to know.
What I learned about these past years is that I'm not that special and being pretentious is not going to help,
and this whole post is just a trace for my future self so I can read this again and laugh about it (probably delete it). Like I did to my previous writings.
Today I visit my own blog and I can't stand the princess-y design that I really liked when I was a teenager. Sometimes I just left my works just as cringey as it is but sometimes I just need to erase it as soon as I seen it, and thinking.... I had such a horrible taste. Not to mention I have great taste now, but it definitely better. I definitely have seen a lot of references kay...
Anyway I only write in english when I'm not too serious, and in a sarcasm mood.
So it's 2020.
I'm neither excited nor sad about this year. I don't have any feelings towards it.
I remember 2 years ago, 2018, best year, my life began with a perfect start. I got big appreciation about my work and I was beyond proud of it. I had such a positive mindset about life and began to list what I have to achieve next. Then I got many new friends once I stepped out my basic circle. I made films and again, I was beyond proud of it. I thought I learned so much that year, and everything was perfect. I felt really grow and I shared almost everything on my social media because I was beyond proud of it. I felt like I achieve list of goals I made. But little did I know, I had really rough ending at that year that never even crossed in my mind before.
So that made me like....
alright
2019 is going to be brutal
so I will be the toughest human ever
I will learn so much, read a book, watch as many movies as possible
I will never miss a chance
I will make everybody proud
I will be grateful and will be a blessing to anyoneAnd I did. I was on fire. I said yes to every chances. I never quit. And I was proud, so I shared it to the world. I wanted those perfect images. Tough. Smart. Different. Perfect.
But in November 2019 I got tired.
I realized I was being pretentious.
I looked back, and I hated myself. I shared too much. I shared my goals, my plans, my feelings, my achievements, my knowledge THAT I WAS BEYOND PROUD OF IT.
I'm not anymore.
Because what I shared was based on wrong motive. I thought I shared just to give positive vibes to people. But f*ck, no one cared and it's soooo pathetic. I probably shared my life because I feel superior towards anything. I felt so smart so I shared about my knowledge when no one asked about it, I felt so tough so I shared about how I overcome my feelings, etc etc. Then comes to the point where I hate oversharing anything. Like now. Like why. No one cares for f*ck sake.
I was so pretentious and it's so disgusting. Anyway, I deleted all things that I feel like oversharing as much as I can.
So it's 2020.
I'm neither excited nor sad about this year. I don't have any feelings towards it.
I just want to 'go with the flow' (one of phrases I used to hate).
I'm tired of the social medias. I probably going to share 'junks' that made me laugh and less rants. But I don't know. No guarantee. I don't care.
Well I definitely have life plans in my mind but no one needs to know.
What I learned about these past years is that I'm not that special and being pretentious is not going to help,
and this whole post is just a trace for my future self so I can read this again and laugh about it (probably delete it). Like I did to my previous writings.
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